I Scream, You Scream We All Scream For Ice-Cream
by Kyrza E. Green
Summary: Or, how a war was averted with ice-cream. Or, how Loki started up a business in Jotunheim. Or- you know what, just read it. Because ice cream is just that awesome.


**Disclaimer: Do you think that if I really owned it, I'd be writing 'fan'fiction?**

**Dedication: To the lovely readers of my fic **_**On Thorday This Week, Loki Gave to Me, **_**as a both thank you present for sticking by me, and an apology fic for a short chapter. Enjoy.**

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"Run home, little princess."

Uh-oh.

Things weren't looking good. They were surrounded by all sides by murderous Frost Giants, and one of them had just insulted Thor. Loki sneaked a glance to his side where Thor had a dangerous smirk on his face as he raised Mjolnir. Loki gulped. He needed to do something _now,_ before Thor got them stuck in some freezing Jotun dungeon. Panicking, Loki did the first thing that came to his mind.

*Splat*

Everyone froze. The Asgardians slowly turned to sneak a glance at him. Had Loki, who was supposed to the calm and rational one, just thrown a weapon of some sort at the king of frost giants? Hogun narrowed his eyes, no it wasn't a weapon, but it seemed to some form of a colored snow. Hogun absently also noted that Loki seemed to have good aim; it had splattered all over Laufey's face and had even gotten into his open mouth.

Meanwhile, Loki was cursing mentally, _Damn it,_ _that was supposed to be an area wide sleeping spell! I really need to clean out my pockets one of these days... Oh well, I might as well go with the flow…_

Thor, on the other hand, had the most peculiar expression of bewilderment. "Brother?" he asked hesitantly, unsure of why is normally calm and rational brother had just thrown… something, at Laufey. A thought occurred to him. Was Loki just causing some unneeded mischief again? "This isn't one of the times for your pranks, you know."

"It isn't a prank," Loki claimed, watching as one of Laufey's hands reached up and wiped his face. Laufey looked at it in amazement, then licked it off his hands.

Laufey then asked with reverence, "What is this delicious cuisine?"

Loki smiled mysteriously, "That, King Laufey, is ice-cream."

Laufey looked at it with awe. "It is…"

"Awesome? Epic? Totally and completely delightful?" Loki suggested.

"Yes, it is all that and more," Laufey said.

"Would you like some more?" Loki asked politely.

"Obviously!" Laufey exclaimed.

"Kay," Loki replied as he got out a huge box of ice-cream and a giant spoon and handed them to Laufey.

One of Laufey's subjects questioned hesitantly, "My liege?"

"This shall become our national food!" Laufey declared suddenly as he took another scoop of ice-cream.

The subject looked at him with horror, "But my liege, you cannot make such a momentous decision in such a mann-!"

Loki never got here what the subject would say for at that moment Laufey gave him a look and then shoved a scoop of ice-cream in his subject's mouth. The random subject's eyes momentarily widened, then he made a noise of delight.

"Such a heavenly taste!" the subject gasped in delight. Another curious frost giant took the box from him and tried some with the same reaction.

"Told ya so," Laufey replied smugly.

Loki watched with amusement as the box got passed around the Jotuns.

"Brother!" Thor hissed disapprovingly. "What are you doing this time?"

"I," Loki said slowly, "Am multitasking."

Sif shot him a disbelieving look. "Multitasking?"

"Yes, multitasking," Loki replied with satisfaction at seeing her twitch.

Fandral asked, "And how is it exactly that you're multitasking?"

"Well, firstly, I'm starting up a business. Secondly, I'm giving myself some quality entertainment. Thirdly, I'm trying to make inter-realm peace. Fourthly, I'm distracting them so that Odin can come over here so that he can rescue us," Loki explained.

Volstagg stared. He said, "Why did you list rescuing us as last? Why do I get a bad feeling about this?"

"And what do you mean by 'starting up a business'?" Sif interrogated.

"Well, I need the money!" Loki defended.

"You're a prince," Fandral pointed out slowly, as if talking to a small child.

Loki scowled, "Apparently, I'm not allowed to take money out of royal funds to cause an untold amount of pranks across the Nine Realms. Odin is such a meanie."

"I wasn't talking about that," Sif interrupted, deciding to ignore the fact that Loki was planning on pranking the entire universe. She could deal with later, when they weren't in a life or death situation. "I was asking you why you wanted to start up a business in Jotunheim?" Sif blinked, then looked around. Where had Loki gone? Honestly, it was rude to leave when someone was talking. "Where's Loki?"

"Over there," Hogun pointed.

"Is he doing what I think he is?" Thor asked incredulously.

"If you're thinking that Loki's handing out this cream of ice to frost giants, you'd be right," Hogun said. Loki, who had apparently gotten bored with them, had wandered over to the Jotuns to hand out more ice-cream, which they ate with great relish.

"Brother…," Thor said, aghast. "He's consorting with Frost Giants!"

"I'm sorry, but that's all I have," Loki apologized as he handed out the last of the ice-creams. "It's all finished."

"But I want more," Laufey complained.

"Well, since this was just the trial, it was free. However, next time if you wish to have more you must pay for it," Loki explained.

"We could just hold you in a freezing jotun dungeon and force you to make it," the random subject pointed out.

"Oh, you're supposed to be our enemy, aren't you?" Laufey remembered. "I forgot about that…"

"You could, but then I wouldn't be able to make it anymore because I wouldn't have the supplies to make it here," Loki retorted. "So, how about this: These idiots-" he jerked a hand toward the Asgardians, "-go back to wherever, and you and I can come up with a deal for ice-cream in exchange for money and unlimited pranks upon you and stuff?"

Laufey tilted his head and considered, "Well-"

It was at this moment that Thor stole his thunder by bursting out, "Loki! I forbid you from doing this! It-it- This is madness!"

Loki merely tilted his head curiously and wondered, "Is it? I had no idea."

Thor looked at him aghast, "Brother-"

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" This time, it was Odin who interrupted Thor. They had been so busy talking that they hadn't even noticed that the Bifrost had opened once more.

"My king!" the warriors three plus Sif exclaimed.

"We were having a perfectly civil conversation when you oh so rudely interrupted, Oddball," Laufey answered with a scowl.

Odin twitched and replied, "My name is Odin. ODIN. O-D-I-N. Not odd- Wait, what did you say you were doing?"

"Having hearing problems in your old age, are you? Pft, I said that I was having a perfectly civil conversation with your son," Laufey repeated. "I never knew he was so interesting."

Odin took a deep breath and closed his one eye. "Loki," he growled, "Explain."

"I'm starting up a business Father," Loki began earnestly. "See, I can be responsible."

"In Jotunheim? Whatever possessed you to that? I should've known you'd be behind this," Odin muttered angrily.

"Oy!" Loki objected. "Thor's the one wanted to come here!"

"Really?" Odin asked as his ire turned to Thor. "Thor! I thought you would've known better than to take your brother along on a trip like this."

"I, uh," Thor stammered.

"You know what, never mind. I'm taking you all back to Asgard," Odin decided.

"But I didn't-" Loki and Laufey protested simultaneously.

"NO BUTS!" Odin roared.

Pouting, they muttered, "Fine."

Loki turned to Laufey and said, "I promise I'll be back tomorrow to finish up our deal."

"Pinky swear?" Laufey asked seriously holding up his little finger.

"Pinky swear," Loki promised and wrapped his gloveless little finger around it.

"STOP!" Odin yelled, then several things happened at once. Loki and Laufey apparently remembered that Frost Giants and Asgardians touching each other was a bad thing and jerked their hand away, Thor and his friends shouted in alarm, Odin rushed forward, and blue began to spread up Loki's arm. Everyone froze. They watched with bated breath as the blue began to recede. Suddenly, Loki grabbed onto Laufey's hand again.

"NO!" Odin yelled and tried to stop him but was immediately bombarded with ice-cream boxes from the Frost Giants. Odin could only watch with growing horror as the blue spread all over Loki's skin, uncovering a thousand-year old lie.

"Awkward," a random Jotun kid commented.

As Loki became completely covered in blue, he turned furious red eyes toward Odin. "I can't believe you cheated on mom!" he exclaimed angrily.

"Brother?" Thor asked hesitantly.

"I- what?" Odin asked bewildered.

"Don't play dumb with me!" Loki raged, completely ignoring Thor. "The only way this is possible is if you cheated on mom and had me with a Jotun! I always suspected, seeing as I had black hair and green eyes, but I never thought that you would actually do it… Unless of course, either you or Frigga are secretly a Frost giant?"

"What?! No, of course not!" Odin exclaimed indignantly. "What ever made you think that! Neither I nor Frigga are Frost Giants, and I most certainly did not cheat on Frigga!"

"Then how do you explain this?" Loki asked hotly, pointing to the receding blue.

"I, well," Odin looked guiltily to the side where Laufey just couldn't stop looking at Loki.

"You, Loki, I-I, I am your father!" Laufey burst out. "And you are a ghost!"

"Huh?" Loki questioned, confused.

"I recognized your clan lines. You, ghost, are my dead son Loptr, come back from the grave to haunt me," Laufey claimed.

"My brother isn't a ghost!" Thor protested indignantly.

"Yeah, I think I'd know if I was dead," Loki agreed, shooting Laufey, an annoyed look. "Now, Odin, mind telling us what really happened?"

"I can explain," Odin said weakly. "In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple and found you. You were just a baby, abandoned-"

"I most certainly did not abandon my children, Oddball. Which means," Laufey started.

"You kidnapped me?!" Loki shrieked.

Odin looked startled. "I thought that you were abandoned," he mumbled.

"My son," Laufey breathed with teary eyes, "You're alive."

"Papa," Loki replied, "I've missed you so. Odin is such a mean kidnapper, he doesn't even let me pull pranks."

"Wait, wait, wait," Thor interrupted as he turned to Odin. "You mean you lied to us your whole lives?"

"Um yes?" Odin offered.

"Father!"

"Sorry."

"Did you kidnap me too?"

"No!"

"I don't believe you."

"Ask your mother then."

"Fine then, I will."

"-celebrate with ice-cream!" Loki gushed happily. He immediately magiced a picnic blanket and spread it on the ground. Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out some ice-cream.

"I thought you said it was finished?" Laufey asked.

"This is my personal stock," Loki explained.

"Oh, okay," Laufey said.

Loki turned to Odin, "Go away. We don't like you anymore. I've got a lot of catching up to do with my REAL father."

"But-" Odin started.

"No buts!" Laufey smirked and wagged a finger at him, enjoying throwing Odin's words back at him.

"You all are welcome to stay and enjoy the ice-cream, though," Loki told Thor and his friends.

"Thanks… I wish to try this cream of ice of yours…"

"Sure, have some…"

And that was the story of how Loki averted a war due to the awesomely epic powers of ice-cream.

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**Because ice-cream is just that awesome. **

**This is for the readers of my **_**story On Thorsday This Week, Loki Gave to Me**_** in apology for a short chapter, in case you didn't catch that at the beginning. I hope you enjoyed it!**


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